Missing Writing
We all need a break now and then. For some of us, we have so much going on that we tend to get caught up in something and other things just sort of fall by the wayside. Well, as you can tell, that has been happening to me a lot lately. Unfortunately, the thing that suffered is my writing.
I basically had given up on it for far too long. As most any writer can tell you, when a writer does not write, weird things begin to happen. For me, my mood is the first thing to go. I get stressed much easier than when I write. From there, it just goes downhill fast.
I also have this overall feeling that something is missing. In truth, it is! When I write I am surrounded by the characters that need to get their story told. After a while of dealing with my life and trying to not write, I have come to the conclusion that the television “Ghost Whisperer” had to be written by a writer that at some point in their career has tried to not write. Just like those ghosts will just not leave that poor woman alone, neither will the characters that want to share their stories.
The first way they manifest is in brief glimpses into someone’s life and the “What if” questions begin. Sometimes it is even as simple as well, if I do this, then what will happen or if I do that, will this happen. Sometimes it is a case of seeing a family shopping or out to eat and an entire world develops around them.
When I put off writing for long enough, the dreams begin to get seriously crazy. The dream may start off innocent enough, but then turn into a major motion picture going on in my head complete with enough twists and turns to keep a soap opera a hit with viewers for at least a month or so.
After the dreams comes the depression. The feeling that nothing I do could ever be good enough. I simply want to hide out in my room for eternity. I do not want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. I eat simply because I am so nervous that I can not stop. I no longer feel hunger. If I can keep myself occupied, I do not realize that I have not eaten until the sickness sets in.
Sounds a bit dramatic huh? Well, that’s my life. I should be the drama queen! The trick is in not letting it get out of hand. Stopping it before it gets to the depression stage or even the crazy dream stage. The only way of doing that is to write! So, yeah, you guessed it. I’m slipping into the edge of the depression stage so I’m clawing my way back into writing. I hope you can come along with me and enjoy the ride. Hopefully, it will not be too bumpy. Buckle up anyway. You know how I love to drive fast!
Sometimes Life just Gets in the Way
Even though life is definitely better than the alternative of not living, sometimes just day to day living gets in the way of our doing what we want to do. That is what has been happening to me over the past few months. As I have struggled with accepting that I can not control everything in my life, I have come to see that there are times that we must take a step or even ten backwards to get to what we need to do.
Honestly, I’ve still not accepted completely that I can not control what happens around me. I’m a control freak from way back, so it may take me longer to accept it all than it should.
A few years back, I was happily floating along in my life. I would volunteer whenever I didn’t have work to do. My work consisted of substitute teaching, so I had many days without work. That was okay. I had lots of things to do to keep me busily helping others. I enjoyed it.
One day, it hit me that I had no way to support myself if it came down to it. After I had a few days of panic, I decided to go back to school. Just like I ususally do, I jumped in with both feet. I got through school in record time by taking way too many classes at once. Now you see why I want to get back to the slower pace that is famously southern in nature. I was exhausted! The sound of taking it slow and easy was music to my ears.
It started off good. I was looking for a job and doing a little writing here and there. I was also substituting and volunteering. Then the call came with a short term job. Wonderful news that it was, it still wasn’t exactly what I was looking for long term. Then the phone rang again, and I had another short term job. For a month, I had a full time job and a part time, both of which would not last long. Then I was down to just the full time job. Life was still busy, but there was a light at the end of that tunnel that reminded me that this was not forever. Another short term job came along immediately after the second one ended.
I was keeping busy. Finding time to write or even look for a regular job seemed impossible. What happened to my slow pace I had been craving? I was busy as ever!
Then it hit. Everything came to a stop. No job and nothing on the horizon. What was I going to do? Panic set in. I had to find someway to get off this emotional rollercoaster I was on. How was the question.
I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t know the answer. I’m still searching for that answer, just like I’m still searching for that ever elusive job. The difference is that I am reminding myself each day that I don’t have to be in control of everything. I just have to take each day as it comes and do what I can. So what if life gets in the way. It is definitely better than not living. Also, as I think back on the good things that have happened in my life, most of them happened not because of anything in particular that I did to make them happen. I simply took advantage of what opportunity I had before me and enjoyed the resulting joy.
Instead of allowing myself to get wrapped up in the efforts of trying to make things the way I want them, I’m trying to find the joy in what I have. I’m taking the time to look at things with fresh eyes. I’m not going to go throwing caution to the wind, but I am going to have a little faith that my needs will be met without my having to drive myself insane on an emotional rollercoaster. Who knows, maybe letting go will be just what is needed to allow me to find that elusive job. The rest and relaxation will definitely be more like the slow southern pace that I have been craving. How do you find your relaxation?
Can Women Do It All?
Whether you are a man or a woman, there are only 24 hours in each day. Sleep in some amount is mandatory. So the hours we have available for getting things done is limited. When something is added, then something else must be given up. I remember years ago in economics class, the instructor gave an example of the cost of everything.
If you choose to go to a small local store that has a higher cost rather than taking the time to travel to a larger store that has a lower cost, you still have costs. You have to consider the amount of time involved, the cost of the travel, and the cost of the actual product. Sometimes, it pays to pay a little more for something because of the additional costs that we are not able to pay at the time. If we have only 10 minutes and the larger store will be a 20 minute drive, then yeah, we will pay more for the product. We could always choose to do without the product, but even that is a cost. All choices come with a cost of giving up on another option.
As a woman, I must say that I tend to think of these costs a lot. I weigh each decision, or at least try to, in order to determine which one has the most acceptable cost factors. When I chose to go back to school, I knew that I would have less time to take the boys to sporting events and less time to stay on top of their activities. Housework might suffer. My energy level would definitely be reduced. I may even not be able to substitute as many days as I had been. The outcome would be worth it in the long run though. At least the dream goal was worth it. I still have not reached that goal, but I still feel that it was worth it.
Sure my house suffered. My boys and my husband had to do more around the house than they were used to doing. Things even went undone. In the long run, we discovered that my husband is actually good at cooking. So is my youngest son. I love to cook, but rarely enjoy cooking because those two are the pickiest eaters I have ever encountered! So, the kitchen is now basically theirs. Even though I no longer go to school.
Laundry may sit in a basket a bit longer. I may even miss a game or two. Does that mean that the world is coming to an end? No. Does it mean that I regret missing them? Sometimes, yes I do. Just this past weekend, I chose to stay home instead of going to my son’s ball game. They were playing a team that he was not expected to get to play against. He got to play a few plays and I missed it. I felt guilty. I regretted my decision even though I knew it was the right one to make at the time. Then my husband was flipping channels and found his game on television. So I watched him play after all. It was just after the fact. Does that make me less proud of him? Not in the least! He understood why I made the decision I did and he called me right after the game to have some sharing time with me. If I was at the game, the phone call would still have been required to share it with him. We are not allowed to talk to the boys while they are on the field.
My sons did not play all of the sports that they wanted to during the time I was in school. No, that did not kill them even though at first they thought it would. In fact, they have began some new hobbies and gained interest in some new sports because they were able to take a step back and look at their options. So, they learned about options. I learned that missing out on something they want to do will not actually kill them.
Do I actually believe that anyone can have it all? No. For everything that we do, we have to give up doing something else. There is no physical way that we can have it all. We just have to realize that and come to terms with it. Then we can chose to fill our days with as many choices for which we are willing to pay the price. We can come to terms with the fact that time is limited and we must try to find a way to reach a balance we are able to live with.
So today when you face the feeling of why can’t I have it all, don’t fret. Instead take a look at what choices you can make to fill your days with the things and activities that best fit your and your family’s needs. Do not judge what is best for your family and you by what other people do. Be your own person. Take a good look at everything on your plate and ask yourself, “Is this worth the cost?” If it is, then great! If it isn’t, then maybe you need to reevaluate that choice. Regardless of whether we are male or female, we can never have it all. Instead, we should strive to have what is best for us as an individual and for our family group. Enjoy your day of choices!
Sweet Tea
When someone comes into my house, they do not have a lot of choice in regards to available drinks. I do keep bottled water on hand, since our tap water has a bad taste to it. Sometimes I have some soft drinks. I generally have the ingredients to make Kool-Aid. Rarely will you enter my home and open my refrigerator that you will not see a pitcher of tea. For those of you that may not be very familiar with my tastes that would be sweet tea. I am southern after all.
If it is fresh made, help yourself to the crushed or cubed ice in the door. If it has been in there awhile, you can still help yourself to the ice, if you want. It has to be cold. The weather outside is just too hot in the summer. Our winters are generally mild, but even if they were freezing, we would just use the weather to chill our tea. Who could do without the tea? That would be like asking me to stop breathing. I will not give up either one willingly.
If you are diabetic or prefer unsweet tea, you better stick with the bottled water. There is no way that I would be able to make you a pitcher of tea that is either hot or unsweet. I will show you where the kitchen is so you can make your own. The Luzianne website refers to sweet ice tea as the “house wine” of southerners. For this southerner, it is my lifeblood.
Sweet tea and iced tea go way back in history. According the Luzianne website at www.luzianne.com, iced tea may have began in the early 1800’s. It was first recorded in cookbooks as being made with green tea leaves and usually included alcohol in the mix. Over time, it has evolved into the almost syrupy concoction that is often ordered in southern restaurants as “sweet tea” or “unsweet tea”.
Even though the history of sweet tea and iced tea goes back much farther than I do, I am definitely old enough to be a stubborn southern woman. When you come to my house, I will offer you a glass of tea. Expect it with ice and with tons of sugar. That is, if you get there before I empty the pitcher. If that is the case, give me a few minutes and you can have some fresh tea. Same rules apply though.
An Interesting Day
Southern beaches are a wonderful place to relax. You can kick your shoes off, walk along the beach, wade in the shallow part of the water, or just lay back and enjoy the sun. They can also be a little messy at times. Sometimes they are interesting in yet very different ways. 
On a trip to a southern Georgia beach, I was thrilled to be able to spend the day with my three children. We walked the beach and even the fishing piers. We saw horses running along the beach and longed to join them.
We had been driving all night to get there. We were out of money and just wanted to have a little cheap fun. A quite walk along the beach sounded like the perfect way to spend the day. We played in the sand. Took pictures of the water, sand, and even ourselves acting as silly as possible.
The trip had been long and the day had been fun. We still had a long drive back to the hotel. Our fun time was drawing to an end. A picnic would be the final act of fun for the day before we drove several hours to join my husband and his dad for dinner.
As we stood under the trees and the hatch of our jeep making our sandwiches, grabbing a few drinks, and chatting about our day, we thought this had to be the perfect day. No problems. Even a lack of enough money was not a big concern at the time. There was far too much fun to worry.
Then, without any true warning, I felt it. It hit cold and fast. I didn’t know whether to scream, run, or cry. I could feel it running between my eyes, down my nose and onto my shirt. What on earth was this? It didn’t feel like rain. As all of the kids busted out with laughter, I heard the sound of wings take flight above me. When the kids finally stopped laughing, they moved so I could get at the wipes.
The day had been filled with laughter, fun, and the warmth of sunshine and family. Now, was it going to be ruined by the fact that I had to drive over two hours with bird poop on my shirt? No way! I cleaned up my face, wiped off my shirt as best as I could, grabbed a sandwich and drink. While the kids were still almost rolling on the ground in laughter, I enjoyed my lunch. Then we all crawled into the jeep for the long drive ahead of us. Their laughter was nothing compared to what I heard when I reached the motel. My husband still laughs when he sees me flinch when I hear a bird take flight.
My Whatever You Want to Call It Beans and Sausage Mix
I’m sure you are getting the idea that I do not follow directions very well in the kitchen. Sometimes I even forget my own versions of recipes. When that happens, it isn’t always good, but sometimes it is truly wonderful!
Years ago, a former friend showed me a version of red beans and rice that was so super simple that even a child could do it without messing up. Well… I messed it up. Sort of, at least. When I went to the store, I could not remember how many of each type of beans you used. I thought it was 3 each. Yes, it seemed like a lot of beans, but remember, I haven’t cooked much over the past two years while I was in school.
I left the store that day with 3 cans of kidney beans, 3 cans of pinto beans, and 1 can of chili beans. All of the contents of each can was dumped into a huge pot. My son was busy chopping two medium sized onion and two green bell peppers. As I added the onions, bell pepper, and a couple of cans of tomato sauce, my son took a can of diced tomato and chopped it up even smaller. He hates tomato but loves ketchup. I wonder if he thought if he cut it up small enough, he would not realize that it actually was tomato.
Usually, I use just one package of smoked sausage. This time, I didn’t get the usual package that is one long piece bent into a u shape. I got the smoked sausage that looks like big hot dogs. We sliced the sausage and cut it into four pieces. Yes, we had a huge pile of sausage. This was added into the same pot. Last but not least, salt, garlic powder, and red pepper flakes were added according to my preferences. I don’t measure spices unless I’m following a specific recipe. I just sprinkle it in until I feel I have enough. We like spicy foods, so we are generally safe.
The pot ended up being too full. We split it into two large pots and cooked it for about an hour. Everything was cooked, so we basically just had to meld the flavors. When I could not stand the smell any longer, I dipped out a bowl and ate some. You may be wondering, what about the rice. Well, it got left off the menu for the night. My husband walked in the door, took one whiff and declared that he could not wait on the rice. Dinner was served!
After eating just the beans and sausage for two nights, he cooked pasta and added some of the bean and sausage mixture to it the next night. My husband hates leftovers. He actually asked for this bean and sausage mixture for two nights of leftovers. Then it was all vacuum sealed and froze for a later date. I’m not sure about my husband, but I’m looking forward to thawing out that package of beans. I wonder if I could convince him that I cooked it from scratch again next week?
Lemon Pepper Chicken
What do you do when you send your son in after chicken and then never get around to cooking it that day? If you were planning on making a chicken finger recipe that takes two days to make and you are too lazy to start it like I was, you improvise.
My husband came home last night with a bottle of lemon pepper spice. That is totally out of character for him. I had to take advantage of that, right? He asked nicely for me to start the chicken. It was actually boneless skinless chicken breast that my son had picked up. My dear sweet husband decided it needed cutting into smaller pieces since it was so late. So of course, since it was his suggestion, he got delegated the task.
While he cut up the chicken into smaller strips, I turned the oven on at 350 degrees and sprayed the pans and slashed a little olive oil in the pan. As he cut the chicken, he placed them in the pan. As I was thanking him for his help, he walked out of the room. Thank heavens for small miracles! I really did not want him to know how easy the rest of the preparations were. I sprinkled a little olive oil on top of the chicken followed by a very light sprinkling of the lemon pepper seasoning.
Placing it in the oven finished my part of the cooking task for the night. Shhh! Don’t tell him how easy it was. He needs to think that I do something all day besides sit in front of this computer and type. He fixed the other dishes and we sat down to dinner. We ended up having way more than we could eat that night. The leftovers were packaged in a vacuum seal bag. Tonight, while my husband ate a bowl of canned chili, I was thrilled to have the luxury of munching out on a lemon pepper chicken sandwich with pepper jack cheese.
A Day I Will Never Forget
It is no secret. I am in my forty’s. I’ve lived in the south all of my life, so maybe I have lived a little more sheltered life than some. I grew up helping my family with their business. It was just a small service station and garage. Because of those years spent helping out, I think that I tend to have a different perspective on growing up southern than many of my former classmates. Some days were more memorable than others.
First and foremost to me was the fact that I actually had to help out. I had to help stock shelves, work the register, and even pump gas. Yes, I pumped gas. The service station was a full service gas station, so if I was the only one available, I was expected to pitch in and pump gas. The looks on some of these big burly southern men’s faces when a little young girl walked out and pumped their gas was definitely worth it.
I pumped more gallons of gas than I ever care to admit to pumping. Throughout all of that time, I only had one “accident” to happen. I was actually pumping gas for the man that owned the company we bought our gas from. He had a “new” vehicle and I discovered very quickly that it had a setup that did not allow you to pump gas into it very quickly. Pumping quickly was a requirement for a full service gas station. There were always other things that needed to be done, so you had to complete each task quickly.
When his car proceeded to spit up gas all over me, I decided that I did not like his new vehicle. The gasoline quickly went all over my clothing, hair, and face. As a young girl, I reacted much like you would expect me to, I screamed. I continued to scream even when I was lifted up and jostled as someone ran with me. I had my eyes squeezed shut and did not dare to open them. I had tried that already. It hurt too much.
As the cool water from the outside faucet was splashed onto my face, I was forced to quit screaming. Water mixed with gasoline does not taste good! Yes, they were telling me to stop screaming and close my mouth. They even told me to hold my breath. I didn’t listen. I just wanted the burning to stop and could not concentrate enough to stop screaming. The water in the mouth did the trick though.
Slowly, I was able to let their words gradually reach my brain. I heard them tell me to open my eyes. I vaguely remember starting to scream no at the top of my lungs. As I was turned upside down with my face put directly under the flow of water, I had no choice but to close my mouth and listen. Slowly it sunk in that they were telling me to open my eyes so that they could flush the gasoline out of them.
Eventually, I did quit screaming. My eyes did return to normal without pain in a few days. I was even back to pumping gas. My lesson was learned though. From that day forward, I stood to the side as I was pumping gas. I also started taking my time. I pumped a little more slowly. So someone had to wait a few minutes. They would have to wait even longer if I got gasoline in my eyes again!
Getting Help from Others
All it takes is the mention of cleaning and everyone leaves my house faster than designer bridal gowns would sell for $20. It does not matter if you are even willing to pay them. They will be out the door before you have the sentence out of your mouth. Most of the time that is, but I have a plan. Yes, I do know it is illegal in most states to lock kids into the home. Don’t call the authorities, it isn’t that drastic of a plan.
I’m giving them an option. They have the choice. They can either clean their rooms or I’ll clean them for them. If they clean them, then things get organized according to how they prefer. There are a few rules.
Everything must have a place. All the furniture and even the walls and ceiling must be dusted. The ceiling fan or light fixture must be cleaned. Books must be in the bookcases unless they are in use. The beds must be cleaned out from under and all bedclothing must be cleaned. Curtains have to be taken down, cleaned and put back up. Floors must be swept and mopped. What, you think I have too many rules? They will agree. The alternative is that I go in.
Oh, you think that will be what they choose? I doubt it. When I go in, all video games will be placed in storage. All guitars will be shelved. Computers will be subject to being stored temporarily. Hey, I have to find the time to clean them all and get them spiffy to be added back to their nice clean room, don’t I? So what if it takes me a couple of months? They can do without their own computers for that long. Without the video games, they may even decide to help me clean the missing items to get them back sooner.
Okay, so I’m joking. I’m not really going to pull the plug on their use of electronic equipment. I would never get anything done for having to run out of the house to get away from the sound of screaming teenagers if I did. What I am doing is putting a time limit on their free time. They will be allowed a total of an hour of all combined electronic equipment, including but not limited to cell phone, video game, computer, television, and guitar. Once that hour is used up, they will have to earn the priviledge of additional time.
Hey, it is all about motivation. I have to find the motivation to do my part of the cleaning. If they are to do their part, then they have to be motivated. Fortunately, I know two secrets. One, they are addicted to their electronic equipment. Two, they hate for mom to come into the room with them, especially when they are instant messaging, text messaging on the phone, or worse having a telephone conversation.
Since the challenge is mine, sure I will do the work! I just get to pick my time to do it. My time to clean my son’s room is about now. He just got on the phone with his girl friend. That could prove to be a very short conversation or a very productive one, depending on how he reacts to his mom coming into the room and cleaning while he talks. Shall we find out?
Find what motivates others and you too shall find a way of recruiting needed help.
The Challenge Begins
Have you ever met someone that loved to clean house? I have too. Unfortunately for my family, I’m not one of them. Over the years, there have been many areas where my shortcomings have come to the light of day. One major area of need for improvement is in my housekeeping activities.
My house is overwhelmed with clutter. There is no surface that is safe. Not even the living room chairs are safe from being piled so full of stuff that you can not sit down without moving things. There are worse, I’m sure. They are just few and far between. Eventually, enough is enough.
That is where I find myself now. I have tried to do it on my own. I have even tried to recruit my boys into helping me. I dare not even think of asking my dear sweet husband. His method of cleaning it would be to back a dump truck to the back door and start throwing. Hmmm… Don’t think so. Yes, I have too much stuff, but I may need some of it at least.
So before my husband decides to take it on his own and use his vacation time to clear away the clutter, I am putting on my working clothes and issuing myself a challenge. A clean house in 30 days is my goal. You get to come along with me for the roller coaster ride.
The first thing I need is a plan. My plan is to get the house so clean and so organized that I can clean it in 30 minutes per day. Yes, you heard me right. 30 minutes is the time limit that I am selecting to attempt. Will I succeed? Who knows? I got to meet the 30 day challenge first. In order to meet that, I have to set myself smaller goals that I can see some measure of success to keep my motivation up.
This is a major undertaking for me. I do not allow anyone in my house. It is too messy. It is small and is currently holding enough stuff for at least three homes this size. With a square footage of 1280, you know that there can’t be much room for walking with that much extra clutter around. It has three bedrooms, two baths, living room, kitchen, and laundry room. When I try to take a look around to come up with a plan, I get too overwhelmed to even think about a plan.
As I tackle each room, I will post my plan of attack, my schedule, and my accomplishments as well as my failures. I am morbidly obese so don’t expect miracles. I have to take it slowly and build up as I go. If I see that I can not meet the thirty day challenge on my own, I may assign additional chores to my boys. They have fallen into my bad habits so they need a wake up call too. They are supposed to keep their rooms clean and do their bathroom. They don’t always do what they are told. They are teenagers after all. My ultimate goal would be to get their rooms clean and for them keep it up, but honestly, they should do that for themselves, right? Yeah, I’m dreaming big today!
So, don’t expect before and after pictures. Just expect honest truth and ideas of how to get a clean house in 30 days and how to keep it clean in 30 minutes a day. Are you ready to join me in a challenge?